hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
