I think I just saw someone hide a body.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
