covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
