Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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