My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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