Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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