I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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