I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
