he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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