hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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