Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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