At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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