apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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