My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
