ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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