I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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