dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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