yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
