would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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