I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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