Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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