Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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