i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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