I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
