I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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