We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
