Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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