This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
