just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
