Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
