I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she smelled like a LAN party
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
