the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
