I looked at my own cervix.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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