i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
