just tell him i said nine months
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize