got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
