we have pet lesbian snakes
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
