I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
