rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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