Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
