apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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