I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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