my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
