was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
