I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
