Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
