I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
