my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dear god my vagina.
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