Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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