Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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