I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My breasts were aching with rage.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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