You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
