The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
