clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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