Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
