Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
