Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
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just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
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How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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