what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
