Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
