Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
