Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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