I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Can I color on your dick again?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
