I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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