Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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