Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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