everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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